A compliment long due

One of my methods of relaxation is to listen to S.Ve. Shekar dramas. I like that guy's jokes (although you've heard them in different dramas of his, and  most of the funniest lines he reserves for himself and oh yeah, all the chicks are hopelessly in love with him).

Asides from all of this there are brilliant scientific references that he makes, which make you wonder if he understands the gravity (no pun intended) of his words.

1) Mahabharathathil Mangatha - Time travel is dealt with in a funny manner. There are references to 'Butterfly Effect' made. There is also a cause effect resulting in altering history. For example when Veerapandiyakattabomman becomes a Gandhian S.Ve.Shekar travels way into the future instead of going back to his present time. I know that is not how it's mentioned in the drama but I chose to think of it that way. There is also a 'time travel cab' and a 'human body spare parts' shop that are all brilliantly but simply told.

2) The second referecne and this is the one I am more interested in is 'Kaadhula Poo' where he dies and goes to heaven. The point made there is 'Engu oru naal enbathu, un ulagathil oru varusham pola' (A day here is equivalent of 1 year in your world).

I did a calculation based on it and realized that at this rate it would put Heaven at a negative distance from the sun. How could that be possible? I will update with my findings :)

How the US elections have affected me

Before I begin, I have to tell you I didn't vote, ofcourse the point is I cannot vote since I am not a citizen, but I have to say this was one of the most lively elections ever with Sarah'yam' Palin and Barack 'muthu rack' Obama. (Non-tamil folks - my apologies).

It's amazing how much all those hours of flipping between CNN (biased) to Fox (fair and balanced) has influenced my life and the scary thing is, it's almost involuntary these days:
1) When I find my wife winning in an argument I become Bill O'Reilly-isque and go 'But...but...I gotta go, no...I gotta go'
2) Previous I used to set forth rules with her but now I listen to what she says with no 'pre-conditions'
3) I got upset the other day when Preetha came back home with a haircut that looked like Nancy Pelocsi. I was 'palinly' upset.
4) I've stopped pronouncing Pakisthan as 'Paekeestaen'
5) I think Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert have gotten lame after the elections.
6) Hit up some of my old enemies since its not true that the notion that not talking to them is punishing them.
7) In my recent trip to India I asked 'Babu the Plumber' and 'Annamma the Spinach seller' if they were planning on running for a political position
8) Asked my Gujarati friend if his proximity to Pakisthan gave him an advantage or if he was palling around with them.

While I was immersed in US politics Dhoni was elected captain, Kumble and Ganguly retired and Suriya developed a 6 pack.

why sci-fi...?

I am asked all the time (and all you sci-fi channel fans, I am sure are too!), why do you watch that channel, all the movies are cheesy and have the exact same storyline...man creates monster, monster eats people, hero and heroine save the day.

I say to all you sci-fi channel haters, "There is more...at the end they show a finger or tail of the monster move, or a deep growl, or a close-up shot of the hero's face with something jumping on him"....cheesy you call it, I call it, genius!

A typical sci-fi movie goes as follows:
Opening scenario:
a) There is usually a lab where an experiment goes hay-wire and the beast or virus escapes
b) A pre-historic creature is awaken by some passer-by

Hero & Heroine introduction: The heroine is the scientist and along with the army folks or NSA or CIA will visit the following places to find the hero:
a) A pub
b) Deep in the jungle

Description of Heroine:
Sexy and slim, usually brunette (they discriminate blondes!)

Description of the Hero:
a) Wavy blond hair with muscular features, usually with titles like cryptozoologist or paranormopsychoanalyst or something....
b) Probably lost his wife or girl friend in water if it's a water related creature they are hunting because he has to go back and 'face his fears'

The black and Hispanic dudes:
Usually you have the token black guy and the tattooed bad ass Hispanic guy who was gang raped in the prison and is a firm Jesus believer(both of who don't have interest in the heroine even though she is semi nude sometimes).
The Hispanic dude usually dies with a machine gun in his hand shooting at the creature which will maul him.
The black dude usually dies when there is an argument about whether they make a stand-off or run or when he goes to get the explosives from the basement.
Although a twist is he comes back with one arm missing or something like that at the end and gives his life up to save everyone again.

The climax:
At this point the heroine is completely down to her under garments, although sometimes she will wear a tight pair of jeans. The hero is topless and displays his bulging biceps with a shotgun a pistol a knife and a bunch of grenades.


The ending:
The monster/ creature will usually get up a couple of times and will either get killed by the heroine who instinctively shoots at it, or by our black dude who jumps in front and pulls it down with him into water/ space/ fire etc.


I mean come on!!!!! Isn't this all worth watching? :)

Yeah we Americans are dumb

Irks me every time. I go to lunch with folks and inadvertently there is this line that sneaks in "Yeah we Americans are dumb, we can't think things before we do" or something on those similar lines.

I dont know of another race that call themselves dumb. Is this a confession session or are they really that humble?

Go on youtube and search for 'Dumb Americans' and you'll find hilarious videos where a guy goes around and asking people "Name a country that starts with U"
Here are some of the replies - "Yugoslavia", "Uhhhhhhhhhh", "Utopia" and perhaps the best of all "Utah"
I don't know if that video was scripted, but nevertheless, its funny....

If you look back to the past 200 years in science and innovation and in movie making they have always made leaps and bounds not to mention be original.
There is a blind sense of patriotism and I find it sorely lacking in other races. Every Bollywood movie that I've taken especially Hindi movies are rip-offs of really cool Hollywood movies. The sore remake of 'Usual Suspects' and 'Memento' come to mind! Or the rip-off of 'Fight Club' that was called...Fight Club.

But tell all this to an American guy and he'll tell you "Yeah man, thats all there but still Americans are dumb". Arrrrrrggggggghhhh.
"But you guys created 'America's Got Talent', invented the 'Weekend viagra' and 'have a McDonald's within a diametric mile everywhere on Earth'.
"Meehhh, we're still dumb"

From my blog that I maintained in 2001

This is one incident which I tell to every new person I meet here in Arizona when he or she tells me "Oh I was so tensed you know", for which I ask why. The person tells me "Oh I lost my pen" or tells me "Oh I didn't get a Window seat in the aero plane" or " My new dress and shoes don't match".
For those of you who don't know I was in the Gulf for about 13 years and our family habit has always been coming at say 4:00 to catch a 5:00 plane. Because it was always easy and there wouldn't be any crowd at Abu Dhabi.
This incident happened when I was flying to the US from Madras. For the 1:30 flight we reached the airport at 12:00. To my horror I saw a crowd that I had never seen before. There were no trolleys to push my luggage. I couldn't move, forget trying to get in to the airport. Luckily for me my sister ran off to the Domestic airport and got me one.


I entered in to find a long queue. I left my luggage to go back to see my parents when I saw that my mother had already finished crying...poor mommy. So this never endless queue got movin and when I reached the immigration officer he told me "Well Sir the previous person is the last we can get on Lufthansa. You will board Air India that is scheduled 3 hours later"
I was kicking myself for coming a little late. Then in came the call saying that there were seats available in the First Class. Oh yeah that was a fitting welcome!!!!!!!
Just as I was about to board the plane came this Officer out of no where and told me that my hand luggage was too large and I still remember what he said "Take out what ever valuables you got, and dump that bag". I was paralysed..dump the bag ...I mean all the things were important. I stood there for 10 mins arguing with him and he agreed that he will put it along with the Check in luggage. Why didn't he say this at first itself. NUT!!!
I got the first class seat and we reached Frankfurt. From there we were off to Phoenix. I got restless and with a group of other students we kept walking up and down the aisle only to be disciplined by the Airhostess'.
I reached the Immigration Officer in the US when he asked my for my I-20.
Officer: May I see your I-20 please
I handed over the copy to him.
Officer: Not this one the other one.
The other one...what the hell other one...I was shocked....I totally forgot that I had two I-20s. I told him I didn't know where it was.
Officer: Well then you are in deep trouble. You might have to board the plane back
I frantically started to search my hand luggage
Officer (Very stern): Go behind the yellow line and search. Do not cross it without the other copy.
I was freakin scared...and my limbs trembling I started searching. After almost 5 mins I found it at the bottom of my bag. I had misplaced it when I met that Psycho officer at Madras.
I breathed a sigh of relief and crossed this cannibal.
You might have wondered what does the title got to do with this epic incident.
Well here it is. I just got all my luggage and put em on a trolley and started moving towards the Customs Officer when out of no where my alarm clock started to ring.
My friends, had I come after September 11th I would have been shot first and then everyone around me would pretend they never knew me branding me a Terrorist.
But well this was almost a month and a half before that. The officers begun to panic and a couple of them rushed towards me and pulled my trolley and started walking away. Again I didn't want to be in one of those America's Wildest Cop videos or something so all I did was follow.
A lady officer slowly opened my bag.
I was still puzzled because I didn't know what was ringing inside as it was a new alarm clock of mine.
She pulled out a bag of rice which is my Mom had kept as part of our tradition.
She carelessly pulled it out and started to look at it mysteriously and started sniffing it. I was totally freaked out by then and the sound of the "bomb" driving me crazy asked her what she thought it was. She told me well there is this type of drugs that is shaped similarly. So there.
I was so helplessly standing there looking at the smooth line of Indians who were looking at me as if to say " So long buddy", We'll make a trip to Alcatraz during our summer vacation, hope to see you there.
Then this God of an Old officer came in ripped open the rice bag and smelt it and rubbed it. He said "Oh its just plain polished rice, where is the guy with the bomb?". I stared at him as he slowly pulled out the clock which was conveniently wrapped around a cloth. He slowly opened it and asked me what it was. I told him "Its an alarm clock". He gave a look at it and as if he was convinced told me "Oh yeah its an alarm clock", turned off the alarm and put it back.
God I moved on outside and my friends were "glad" to see me so soon.
And then in all the tension I left my hand luggage in the cab itself. Well it had my everything in it. The cab went back to Phoenix airport and came back. All the while I was standing at my apartment in Tempe in the scorching Sun hoping for the cab to come back. I got it back.
It was one hell of a trip I would say. Actually throughout the trip I never got to think of my parents even once as I was busy "TRYING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD" - Dr Evil style....

S.P.A.M

Ah, if only I had known how the future would have treated us spammers and by that I am referring to my family. When I was asked by my dad to suggest a great name for our family email I said "Dad, lets go with SPAM...@.....". On being asked why I said it stands for the first letters of our family (Sugavan, Padma, Anuradha, Malligarjunan).

Now my parents curse me, for an email from this account goes directly to everyone's Junk folder. I could only joke "The emails mom send are worthless anyway". I even tried to refer to mythology to prove a point. Arjuna's arrow multiplying into several thousands or Jesus' creating fishes a plenty out of a few but to no avail....Sigh

Hurts everytime I buy a leather belt...it hurt when I got my 2 inch leather strap Fossil watch.
Now I've found a neat workaround. I just take up the product I am about to buy and tell myself "That cow was already dead...for its meat, the skin would have been discarded if not for me buying it as a watch or a belt"

It consoles me a bit...

Movies whose title tell you the entire story:
1) Roadtrip
2) Harold and Kumar go to White Castle
3) Wedding Crashers
4) The 40 yr old virgin
5) Run Lola Run
6) Snakes on a Plane

And those that just make no sense...
1) Vanilla Sky
2) Eternal Sunshine of a spotless mind
3) Kalifornia

Got any on list A or B?

It feels good when I sit on the plane and put on the belt only to realize that is is really loose. The person sitting before me on that seat had a bigger belly than me...

I always suspected it...(View in Internet Explorer please)

What mental disorder do you have? Your Result: ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) You have a very hard time focusing, and you find it difficult to stay on task without your mind wandering. You probably zone in and out of conversations and tend to miss out on directions because you cannot focus
Manic Depressive
Paranoia
OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)
GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder)
What mental disorder do you have?

Missing b,c,d,f,h,k,o,p,q,t,x,y,z

I seem to love talking about myself, so for a change I thought I'd talk about my name ;).
Sugavaneswaran Malligarjunan is my full name. Yes, it has 27 letters in it and no, it does not have all the alphabets in it. But over the years I've learnt to live with it and even make fun of myself sometimes.
I say things like "I was a genius with the alphabets in Kindergarden" or "My contact card is the only one that is folded". Sometimes I say "Yeah it's supposed to bring me luck". Othertimes I say "I am glad I didnt get baptised" or "Yeah they can't fit my name on my credit card".

Preetha tells me she won't change her last name to mine because she doesn't want to 'fall off the card'. I think she has a funny sense of humor too!

The most common request I get from people is to tell my name like it's some frakkin Floyd's lyrics. At that point everyone is usually looking at my mouth, with their own jaws dropping...

When I am seated in the waiting room to be called at the hospital I know its my turn when the nurse walks up with my file looks at the name, then squints her eye, turns the file over sideways makes all the while going "Mal...Mal...Ma....". I just get up and say "Yeah that's me".

At the airport security checkup I give my Id card and my boarding pass and have to wait an agonizing 15 seconds while the agent matches letter for letter and usually follows it up with a "That is a long name" Duuhhhhh!

How difficult is it saying 'Sugavaneswaran Malligarjunan' god damnit?

Oh trust me I've heard this from a 4 lettered freak "I betcha get hooked up with girls all the time with a name like that eh?"

But all said and done, it's my name so listen...and listen carefully! Learn to pronounce and love it, chances are you'll be screaming it later! :)

Update: Just found out some car dealer who heard my name over the phone has it written down this way - Suggo Marsgarjuan

Rusty

Rusty
Originally uploaded by Sugavan

My first fling with Photoshop. I plan to start playing with Photoshop a lot more hopefully do things that will satisfy my needs

My inspirations....

My inspirations....
Originally uploaded by Sugavan

The catalysts of my career! CLICK ON PICTURE AND HOVER OVER THE NOTES FOR MORE DETAIL

My workspace

My workspace
Originally uploaded by Sugavan

Just thought I'd share what a typical work day is like... :).
I hope to be an inspiration to all you IT Professional wannabes :). CLICK ON PHOTO AND HOVER OVER NOTES FOR MORE DETAILS.

Asians can't drive!...NOT

Me and my friend (Caucasian) are driving in a car. I pull out of the parking lot....

Me: Darren, I am sick and tired of people telling us Asians as being bad drivers!

Darren: See there are exceptions.

A car on the road honks at me and I screech to a halt, because I was about to collide...

Darren: And I am still looking for that exception

Me: Listen, that was so not me dude, I am very careful

Darren: Yeah right!

Todo - Refer TODO

Something is definitely wrong with my organization skills if I have a TODO list and another list whose first item is 'Refer TODO'

Aping the pain

Just happened a few minutes back. I can't understand why things like these keep happening to me. I sprained my back from working out in the morning and I've been limping all day. I walk up to the coffee room and this old lady who is limping (of old age) infront of me, thinks I am imitating her. She gives me this cold stare and frowns at me.

We were both walking really slow, took ages to cross each other...very uncomfortable I tell you!

The help desk call

A call with a tech support person called Almer who is trying to setup my account and email on my local machine.
It's about 10:30 am and we are exchanging information back and forth.
My username is wrong(not unusual considering I have most of the alphabets in my name). We fixed it and by then it was almost 11:30 and I was getting hungry.
Me:Oooo, I smell grilled sandwich somewhere nearby, delicious...
Almer:Yeah sure, go ahead and type in your password please
I type in and get in. We try to install the application and we get a 'No disk space' error.
Sugu: ...yeah we can set it up, my friends were waiting for me but I told them to go ahead and have lunch, its usually pretty good at the cafe...
Almer: Yup, I think we need to have admin privilieges to make this work, can you ask Shane to login to this machine as admin please?
I get Shane my manager to log in. Almer starts to clean up the system. Its 12:15 pm and the clean up indicates an hour and 15 minutes.
Me: This is probably a good time for me to get some lunch and come back up, we both should get back at this after lunch
Almer: Oh you know how windows is, it says an hour but it might be 2 minutes, but sometimes it might say 2 minutes and be stuck there forever
Me: But it says an hour and 14 minutes and seems to be moving steadily down.
Shane walks in to check on me so I decide to pretend I am working.
35 minutes later...
Almer: So this should work...hopefully

He clicks on something and we get a 'Special Database not found' error. We solved our space problem but this is something new.
Almer: Bear with me here we should be done hopefully.
Me: I hope so, someone just passed by with Quizno's sub and this whole place is smelling wonderful and my mouth is watering.
The time is 1:30...
Almer: There you go everything is setup
Me: Thank god (You moron!)
Almer: My boss just left home for the day and I am having to stay alone at work.
Me: Part-timer is he? (My voice was getting irrirated and cranky at this point from hunger)
Almer: Its a she and it's dark outside and usually she doesnt stay beyond midnight
Me (dazed): Where are you calling me from?
Almer: Phillipines
Me: What!??!? Ok I am hanging up.
Almer: Wait...tell me who Quizno is
Me: What?
Almer: You told me someone was having Quizno's sub

*Click*