I am asked all the time (and all you sci-
fi channel fans, I am sure are too!), why do you watch that channel, all the movies are cheesy and have the exact same storyline...man creates monster, monster eats people, hero and heroine save the day.
I say to all you sci-
fi channel haters, "There is more...at the end they show a finger or tail of the monster move, or a deep growl, or a close-up shot of the hero's face with something jumping on him"....cheesy you call it, I call it, genius!
A typical sci-
fi movie goes as follows:
Opening scenario:
a) There is usually a lab where an experiment goes hay-wire and the beast or virus escapes
b) A
pre-historic creature is awaken by some passer-by
Hero & Heroine introduction: The heroine is the scientist and along with the army folks or NSA or CIA will visit the following places to find the hero:
a) A pub
b) Deep in the jungle
Description of Heroine:
Sexy and slim, usually brunette (they discriminate
blondes!)
Description of the Hero:
a) Wavy blond hair with muscular features, usually with titles like
cryptozoologist or
paranormopsychoanalyst or something....
b) Probably lost his wife or girl friend in water if it's a water related creature they are hunting because he has to go back and 'face his fears'
The black and
Hispanic dudes:
Usually you have the token black guy and the tattooed bad ass Hispanic guy who was gang raped in the prison and is a firm Jesus believer(both of who don't have interest in the heroine even though she is semi nude sometimes).
The Hispanic dude usually dies with a machine gun in his hand shooting at the creature which will maul him.
The black dude usually dies when there is an
argument about whether they make a stand-off or run or when he goes to get the explosives from the basement.
Although a twist is he comes back with one arm missing or something like that at the end and gives his life up to save everyone again.
The climax:
At this point the heroine is completely down to her under garments, although sometimes she will wear a tight pair of jeans. The hero is topless and displays his bulging biceps with a shotgun a pistol a knife and a bunch of grenades.
The ending:
The monster/ creature will usually get up a couple of times and will either get killed by the heroine who instinctively shoots at it, or by our black dude who jumps
in front and pulls it down with him into water/ space/ fire etc.
I mean come on!!!!! Isn't this all worth watching? :)
Labels: movies, Sue me for wasting your time
